Jana Blabla
Straßenweg 6
A-4890 Feldkirch
Straßenweg 6
A-4890 Feldkirch
December 2nd, 2008
BBC Office
Street 78
5647 London
Ref: Complaint letter to BBC about women in advertisement
Dear BBC,
I want to complain about how women were treated in advertisement.
It’s good that nowadays women have got the chance to do jobs in public not as years ago. They used to stay at home and do the housework. But in my opinion women get short changed.
People take women for every kind of advertisement because of their pros of their feminity, so women and men got advertent. They have to present household goods and a lot of beautiful women present make-up. So everyone things: “Oh, at least I look like them!”
If a man sees a woman with few clothes they rather buy the things they promote for.
I think this is really sexism. Our society should care for the welfare of women. Because otherwise women who don't really have a lot of money will take off their clothes only to make money.
And as we can see that in a lot of advertisement are women who are semi-nude.
In the end I want to say that the behaviour of women should be changed and that every sex will be well treated. So our society would be much better when there wouldn’t be any sexism.
Yours sincerely,
Jana Blabla
1 Kommentar:
The subject line is not the same as the reference line!
tense: How women were treated? --> In the past but not now!
Werbung im Fernseher: commercial
expression: to do jobs in public???
sentence structures: Be careful! (e.g. "not as years ago.")
short-changed
expression: "People take women for every kind of advertisement because of their pros of their feminity, so women and men got advertent." ???
think / thing
expression: "“Oh, at least I look like them!”" ??? - "If only I looked ..."
structure: If a man sees ... he'll (!) ...
expression / structure: "“And as we can see that in a lot of advertisement are women who are semi-nude." ??? "...the behaviour of women should be changed and that every sex will be well treated" ????
... our society would be better ... if there weren't ....
The basic outline of the letter is correct, but you make many vocabulary mistakes and it's difficult to understand what you mean at times. Also your sentences are very loosely connected, which weakens the argumentation. And the letter is badly structured, too. You should structure your thoughts before you write.
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